Thursday, 30 January 2014

Date Number 3 was a Charm

OK, so if you've been following my dating life, coffee meet ups haven't been going so well. I survived but they were a disaster. I guess the third one is the charm because I had the best time last night.

I took a different approach this time, I set up a coffee meet up with a guy that was 'not' my type physically and much smarter than the bad boy type who usually attracts me. I thought oh he's a 'nice' guy, you know the type who end up being a good friend instead of a boyfriend. Turns out, he was interesting, so interesting in fact, that coffee turned into dinner, which turned into an evening stroll on the dock.

Usually, when I come across a 'nice' guy online all they have to say to me is how beautiful I am or how much they want to take care of me, if I'd just give them the chance. I know I'm good looking, I don't need guys telling me or fawning it over me to stroke my ego. I may be at the poverty level and looking at moving out into a crummy apartment, but I can take care of myself thank you. Sure, it would be nice to have a guy who would take care of me, but it's not something I put on my wish list of things I want in a man. It's something I would like in a long term relationship with someone I fall in love with for other reasons.

What made this 'nice guy' different? He was interesting. We had amazing deep conversations about the world, life, theology, etc. He was a complete gentleman and didn't go fawning over my 'look.' He wasn't into hook ups and knew where my eyes were, he never let his fall to my chest. It was a great feeling to be treated as an intelligent respectable woman, and not some guys wet dream.

I am not looking for a serious long term relationship right now, but he has made the short list. Maybe I can be attracted to 'nice' guys after all. Did I mention he could kiss, like all the way down to your toes kiss?

Tuesday, 28 January 2014

Divorce, Decisions, Depression

I was looking forward to my forties being a great deal better than my thirties and so far... I've got side swiped and then banged up. Five months before turning forty my husband of twenty years tells me he wants a divorce. At least he didn't literally kick me to the curb and I still have a roof over my head. Only problem is, he's still under it too.

Not only that but my kids became teenagers and now they want very little to do with me. Problem is, I gave up a career in finance to stay home with them and struggled through flexible jobs that I was barely any good at to raise them. Now what? My dream career has always been to be a writer, but I'm hardly alone there and only 1% of those trying to become writers actually make a living at it. Depressing.

My marriage ended over a year ago and all the decisions I have no control over are beginning to piss me off, so I've started taking control of my life for the first time in ten years. Yes, I gave up control of my life to my husband about ten years ago. He made all the major decisions and after a short fight, I'd just nodded my head politely saying "it's a bad decision, but if it's what you think is best." Problem was, he didn't consider my needs or take care of me financially in the process. Now I've got no credit, a manageable debt, a low paying job that won't support me and two teenagers living in a very expensive city.  My parents and the bulk of my friends live in a totally different country than I do, on a different continent and moving there is just too much change to put the kids through.

I've decided to push my ex to finish the renos, I've started dating, and I'm gonna move out before he's ready to sell the house. I forgot how good I was at making decisions. Yes, it's much easier to give someone else the responsibility. It's not smart though. In my case my husband wasn't very good at making decisions even though he wanted to be the one in control. The stress of making bad decision after bad decision caused lots of friction in our marriage, a major loss of trust and some very bad blood between us. He was always miserable, always stressed, always blaming me for the consequences and I resented him for dragging me along kicking and screaming behind him.

Divorce is going to be a good thing for me, once I can finally get a decent pay cheque or a second part time job to afford rent. If I could trust my ex to pay child support I wouldn't worry about a second job, but I know him. There will be no cheques sent my way unless the courts force it and I'm not sure I want to put everyone through that nastiness for an extra $800.00 a month. My kids need their dad and I've seen what courts can do to kids. It's not worth it. I'd rather work a second job than put my kids through it.

I've been on medication to manage my depression for over ten years now, but when situational depression gets added onto the clinical, it can be hard to push through even with the magic pill. I had a job interview yesterday and I was hoping it would be a quick solution, but wasn't. The interview made me think there aren't opportunities for someone like me out there, which I know is not true.

Marc hasn't contacted me in seven days now and he'd hung up on me without saying goodbye, so that lifeline is only adding to the blue feelings swimming around inside me. The other guys I've been talking to online have become silent and there have been no new ones interested in a middle aged overweight curvy housewife. The distractions of the last two months are silent.

My friends have their own lives and are all happily married. Besides none of them deserve to listen to me moan on about how difficult I allowed my life to become. I work from home, so it's isolating with very little in the way of face to face interaction. I get hung up on constantly, rejection is a daily word in my life, whether it be a sales call or a query letter to an agent.

My kids are extremely smart, extremely teenage, and extremely vocal about what they think should be going on in my life. They know how to push my buttons, make me feel guilty, and how to get me to do what they want me to do, all while spending my money. Yes I know, time to change that too.

Some days depression wins out, this is one of those days and I feel like I was hit by a train, my brain keeps rebooting every so often, sending a jarring electrical shock through me. Very distracting. I know that the best way to move on is to find joy within myself instead of in the attention of others. The only time I feel at peace alone is when I write or read. In other words, when I'm living in LaLa land and not having to face my crappy life. However, not facing my reality will not help me gain the independence I need, nor the solutions.

I should step back from dating. I should definitely take a step back from Marc - a huge step back. I should get a grip on my life and what I want from it before adding more crap into the mix. What do I want? My mother asked me that question when I told her Chris wanted out of our marriage. Funny coming from her because she always told me what I thought and wanted growing up. I didn't have an answer. I do now, but it still takes the mighty dollar, a whole lot of determination and facing fears I never thought I'd face alone.

I know I  will make it in this crazy world, one decision at a time.

I Give Men Stomach Cramps

This really cute athletic guy messaged me quite a while ago and we've been messaging back and forth a bit. My profile pics started with just my face, then I added one with a bit more cleavage, then one of my full body, over the course of two months I've slowly revealed my overweight hourglass shape to the online dating world. Each pic resulted in this cute athletic guy messaging me again, finally he wanted to meet me.

I knew it was to ogle my boobs, he admitted he was a boob man and that's where his interest in me lay. Sure enough when we met, his eyes were not on my face. I didn't want to feel any obligations so I insisted on buying the coffee and we sat down for a chat.

He was very polite, not forward at all, and although his eyes kept gravitating to my chest we were having a decent conversation. Then he started pulling back in his chair, grabbing at his stomach. His coffee wasn't even half done when he said his stomach hurt so much he had to leave.

I get bad stomach pains, to the point it feels like it's gonna explode inside me so I know stomach pain can be incapacitating. I didn't have any Zantac on me, unfortunately, and he left to go purchase some before making his way home. I was my usual polite, empathetic, understanding self as I sat there in the coffee shop at my table alone with everyone in the room knowing my date had just run for the hills.

Maybe he really had a sudden attack of gastric pain, maybe he didn't. He did message me again but not to reschedule, just a quick ah so sorry to have left you mid sentence but you do have a great attitude. Whatever. I guess we'll see if he contacts me again, but I'm not about to put him on any short list, no matter how cute, no matter how amazing his body is.

Monday, 27 January 2014

Why Can't I Want one of the 'Nice' Guys?

I just realized that it's been six days since Marc said boo to me and it has been six weeks since we've had a proper conversation.  I don't know if I can do this - the no emotions thing - the not caring thing - the just being a toy thing. I can do the submissive thing, but not the being forgotten thing. I can do the non exclusive thing, that isn't a problem, but I don't know if I can push the emotional part out of any relationship I enter into, especially this one. 

Maybe its because I'm too impatient and seeing him or really talking to him is becoming something that I can't ever see actually happening. I have a bad habit of wanting a dream, an illusion, a story, and missing the reality of what's right in front of me. What is in front of me now? A cold distant man who doesn't care about who I am or how I feel. Yet, I want to be used by him so badly it hurts me. I've become so obsessed by him I can barely function in my day to day. I hang on, hoping that one day Marc will return that one day he will like me, want me, care about me. I'm like a puppy waiting for a treat that will never come. 

This is the insanity of my life. 

I have 'nice' guys begging me to give them a chance, some are very good looking and some have lots of money. Guys who will bow at my feet and worship me, spend money on me, give me everything they possibly can, just to get my attention. However, these men don't interest me. They bother me like little flies buzzing around in the heat. I could never just use them, no matter the promises of security, stuff, travel or love. I could never respect them. I could never love them. They are too attainable, too nice, too easy for me to walk all over if I allowed myself to do it.

No, I want the man who can never love me. I want the man who will only use me until he gets bored and then throws me away. I am moved to extreme desire by a man who will only give a tiny bit of himself to me. It's not enough, it will never be enough, and I will be discontent and hurting as long as I lust after him. I know this and yet I still hang on with hope that he'll gaze upon me one day.

How can I change my way of feeling? My mindset? How can I start lusting after the 'nice' guys. The ones who will cherish me, care for me, love me? How can I walk away and turn my back on Marc? On the one man who can truly possess me?

Sunday, 26 January 2014

Book 3 Too Intimate to Share

I am writing book three of the Game of 51 Series and some of the scenes are intimate between me and Marc. I feel very uncomfortable sharing them in the book because they are ours and I don't want to hurt him by making public these conversations. Yet, at the same time it is going against the goal I had when I started this project.

See, I never thought I'd really end up caring for him. I thought it would just be sex and that would be it. At the time I thought he'd deserve it for not caring about me as a person. I neglected to consider that I would care about him as a person. I can't just see him as a creep just wanting to have sex with me because that's not who he is.

When I started the project, I had all these assumptions about dominants and how they treated women. Most of society does. Assumptions about some of these type of men are valid, those who abuse or go to far, but some, like Marc, are different.  I have learned a lot about the dominant / submissive relationship dynamic over the course of a month and still have a lot to learn. Some dominant men I've talked to, do go to far, some that I've read about are abusers posing as dominants, but neither of these is Marc.

Marc asks questions, listens, teaches, gives me support and advice. He focuses on my needs and finds pleasure in my desire for him. I want to please him and am willing to do things I never thought I'd do for a minute, just to make him happy. I have a lot more to learn about this man.

The small parts of him that he has shown me I really like. I want to know more about him. I didn't think this, whatever it is, would go on this long. I didn't think I'd care about his feelings since he obviously doesn't care about mine. However, I do. I want to please him and protect him from my project. It's just who I am. I can't separate feelings from sex, even when that's all it is.

The series is based in reality and as a writer I am fictionalizing the scenes as much as possible to make it more interesting, flow better, and to protect the real people. I will continue to write the story and change it up to protect Marc's real identity and the real identity of every man I have talked to online. The whole point of this project is to understand how woman are sucked into scams, manipulated by abusers and to share the horrors of dating in the twenty first century.

Some people have shared their horror stories with me and I can't wait to add them into the series. To put myself into their shoes and try to understand how they ended up where they did.

Friday, 24 January 2014

I Found my Husband on an Online Dating Site

Legally I'm still married. Hell, we still live under the same roof. However, we are in separate rooms and our marriage is de facto - over, finis ca, done like dinner. I've had an online dating profile for just over a month and it's been a crap show, a real stinker of a deal. I never told my husband I was looking, my kids knew, but not my husband.

The other day I log in and there was his pic... A terrible pic at that... He had finally taken the plunge and I started laughing my head off. I found him in his room and we had a nice long talk about online dating. The creeps I'd been attracting, the rules I'd set in place for myself, and what I was hoping he would find.

In less than twelve hours, with a crappy pic of himself, he had over seventy messages... I never got nearly that many and most everything I got was crap. He got 'hot' chicks, successful women, professionals. I get crap. How fair is that?

I offered to help him get a better pic, I'm a good photographer, but no he wants to do it himself. I tried to help him go through the messages, but no he doesn't want my help. I want him to find someone, I hope he finds someone quickly, then he'll be out with her and away from the house even more.

We talked about the rules, he got mad at me for talking with perverts and writing a book about my experiences, he yelled at me because the kids had found out when I forgot to log off my computer. He went off on me about meeting guys and being careful, like I was some dumb teenager. When I do meet a guy in the real world... I'm not going to be stupid about it. At least I hope I won't be.

Attention makes me feel great, someone wanting me, desiring me, makes me do stupid things. Considering the men I've been IMing with for the sake of a storyline, I'd say I haven't been too intelligent so far. I mean come on, I'm lusting after a man who wants to dominate me. How smart is that? Not very.

Tuesday, 21 January 2014

His Attention

I've been busy. Marc has been paying attention to me by sending me emails almost every day. He's asking me questions about what I want when we meet and telling me what few things he wants. I still don't know if he's coming to visit or if he is, when. Just the idea that he might be coming is exciting. I'm scared and excited all wrapped into one ball of an emotional storm.

I love all the attention he's been giving me. It's only a couple emails a day, but it's enough to let me know he's thinking about me, wants me, and that he might actually be coming to meet me soon.

Thursday, 16 January 2014

Trying to Figure Him Out...

If you've read my books, you know Marc is not only a man but a dominant man who enjoys the power exchange of having a woman do his bidding in the bedroom. Currently I am having a very hard time understanding what makes him tick because he won't tell me anything about him. I've talked with a few other dominant men trying to understand the relationship dynamic and they don't give anything about themselves away.

This is an issue for me.

I want to understand Marc, get to know him better, but he won't let me. Information is one way - Do what you're told and be rewarded. Don't, and be punished or worse, ignored. Any time I try to manipulate him or the conversation to get more from him, or ask too many questions, I am faced with long periods of silence.

That's a good thing though, right? I need him to ignore me, so I can pull myself back from him. To take ownership of myself. To get him out of my head and be my own person again. If only I could. Wanting this man makes me feel pathetic. He is so confident, assured, and powerful leaving me insecure, unsure, and weak in his presence.

If you met me in the real world, you would not use those three words to describe me. Most people describe me as a strong, independent, smart woman. Too smart to get caught up with a man like Marc. Too independent to please a man like him, and too strong willed to take any type of crap from a man like him.

Yet, I am drawn to him. I want to please him, do as he tells me, be what he wants me to be. Yes, I am pathetic. I asked too many questions the other day trying to understand him, trying to figure out what motivates him, what makes him tick, what he gets out of this type of relationship, and he said good bye and went silent.

Now I must wait. Wait until he summons me again. Wait until he feels I have been punished enough and will submit to him. I hate that word. Submit. It's an ugly word for a woman because throughout history women have been held down by that word. They have been abused, neglected, and left frustrated in their lives because the men they submit to don't take care of them.

That is my greatest fear... once used up by this man I will be left with what? As what? That answer is simple - Nothing.

Tuesday, 14 January 2014

All Best Laid Plans.... I am too Weak

If you've read my books you'll know that I am totally infatuated with a man named Marc. Marc hasn't talked to me in a month. The last time I talked with him he hung up on me for no reason. He claims power outage, I'm not sure I can trust him. During that month he was on the online dating site where I met him, for long periods of time. I was frustrated and hurt about being ignored and forgotten.

I don't usually care if a guy doesn't contact me or ignores me because I'm usually too busy talking with another one to be too concerned. However, Marc.... well that's a different story. I am obsessed with him to the point I am constantly thinking of him.

At least I was. I'd finally gotten him out of my head and had barely thought of him at all. I was finally getting back to my normal, self assured, confident self when he contacted me. I was determined to not reply to his summons, I lasted all of half an hour then I gave in. I'm weak.

This man doesn't care about me, he's told me that. He only wants to use me to play with in the bedroom and I so desperately want him to. No other man has gotten into me like he has. Every other man I've met online seems crude, rude, and just plain horny. I don't understand Marc's hold over me and it is driving me insane.

Monday, 13 January 2014

I Survived My 1st Date in 20 Years

OK, so I wouldn't really call it a date. I met him and we hung out at a park talking and it was nice. He was intelligent, stylish, had a great accent, an amazing body and was cute. We talked about our online dating experiences for about half an hour and then he wanted to go find somewhere dark to park my car, not his car, my car. This experience will make it into book 4 of my series, The Game of 51.

I am now 99.9% sure he is married.

He is still wearing his wedding ring and calling his supposed ex, his wife. I am separated and I make a point to call my husband my ex because that is what he is to me. I even stopped in at his work and left a message with the receptionist that his ex stopped by. He was not impressed and let me know how stupid I was for letting everyone at his work know that we were no longer together.

Well Mr. Married, as I now call him, did message me asking when he could see me again and little polite me messaged back politely. Truthfully, I'm in no hurry to see him again. Not even for a storyline. I am not interested in being the other woman, ever, even if you are on a break.

Saturday, 11 January 2014

First Coffee Date and He's Late.

So, I am sitting in a coffee shop waiting for my first date in twenty years.  I drove an hour an a half to get here and texted him twenty minutes ago that I'd arrived, but no word from him yet acknowledging my message.

I've brought work with me so it won't be the end of the world if he doesn't show. Tell you the truth I kind of hope he doesn't. When our conversations start he is sweet, respectful, thoughtful, and kind. However after sometime he definitely starts getting horny and starts talking about sex and pressuring me to hook up with him right off the bat. It's the pressure that scares me, that makes me want to take ten steps back and put up my hand saying stop.

The other thing of course is there is no where to have sex. He starts suggesting the park in the cover of darkness or my car. Both of which have me feeling cheap and like I need to charge for services rendered. I quoted him a price to make my point and he came back with that LOL that makes everyone think that whatever rude forward thing that way typed before doesn't count.

There were also a couple red flags that have me thinking he's married, not separated. However, I can hardly judge as technically I am married and still living with my husband... Just in separate rooms.

When I woke up this morning I was going to cancel but he messaged me saying that sex wasn't on the table for today. He just wanted to meet me and talk. Back to his sweet, kind, thoughtful self. I am going to chalk up the pressure to horniness and give him the benefit of the doubt. Of course... he is officially late now.

Well he showed and I survived. I'll write more about it tomorrow.

Friday, 10 January 2014

A Date with a Guy... A first in 20 years.

The problem with dating after a 20 year hiatus is the firsts. The first time we do anything can be scary and exciting all wrapped into one. At the moment I think I'm gonna puke.

I've made a date with someone I met on an online dating site. It's not the first time I've sat down for coffee with a guy in 20 years, but it is the first time I've sat down with a guy who may want more from me than what advertising product I'm selling him. A guy who I know wants more than advertising from me.

This guy is built, good looking, black, young, well travelled, British, and has girls literally throwing themselves at him. At least according to him and I can believe it considering how hot he is. Our conversations start off really good, polite, sweet, kind, respectful, and friendly. However last night they went sideways and for some reason he really wants to be with me in the carnal sense.

This fact is freaking me out. He spent days talking to me before broaching the subject, which is nice, really nice, but then last night the pressure started. I get that he was horny and really wanted to get laid at the time he was talking to me however, it has added pressure to our date. Pressure I'm not feeling too comfortable with. Now I'm scared to show up.

I'm gonna have to talk to him tonight and be very clear that it's just a face to face date to get to know each other, not a hook up date. He's told me he wants a friend to be with, someone he can connect with and see repeatedly. Someone to care about and someone who will care about him. Nice words, however anyone can type anything to manipulate someone into doing something.

Just not sure why he'd want to spend any time manipulating me. I'm pretty, but I'm older than him, I am overweight, and not open to having sex for the sake of the act. I am scared. Marc was a safe guy for me to explore my sexuality with, he lives four thousand kilometers away from me and had no desire to meet me until I was ready. This guy isn't safe and now I'm gonna be face to face with him. I'm terrified about what I will do.

Get your free ebook download of The Game of 51: Confessions of an Online Dater

Thursday, 9 January 2014

Online Dating and Forward Women, Where did the Mystery Go?

I met someone new online. We chatted via text all evening, I like him and was happy to see he'd emailed me first thing this morning to tell me he was thinking of me. It feels good to know he desires me, thinks of me, and wants to know more about me.

He was on the dating site for less than a week when he messaged me and his image told me he probably wasn't someone I'd be serious about, yet he's turned out to be a sweet guy with a brain in his head. The one on his shoulders. A hot, really fit, muscular guy with a brain? I'm hooked.

He deleted his profile in less than a week, which had me a bit curious, so I asked why he'd left. He told me that he was getting 30 pictures a day of naked women asking him if he'd like to - you know. No coffee, no hey lets get to know each other, no friendship. Just right to the point. Some pics he said were of the girl's lower privates.

I found this very surprising and shocking. No wonder I look like a prude to these guys. In 20 years I never once considered taking a naked pic and giving it to my husband of the time. I sure as hell am not going to take one to send to a complete stranger.

To me, part of the desire of sex is the anticipation, the mystery, the subtle things.In my opinion a body is something to be explored in private, in the real world.  I believe my body is a gift to be unwrapped slowly like a Christmas present, not a hey here's what you're getting for Christmas I'll wrap it up for you to open later kind of gift.  That's why lingerie is so enticing.

If these women want complete strangers to view their private parts, they probably should consider a career with a smut magazine. They'll at least make some money. I understand that it feels great to know that someone desires you, however, it feels amazing when they are still able to use their imagination and anticipate what they are getting. Plus they'll be begging and will desire you longer when they don't get the goods right away. We always want what we can't have.

You only get one first time with any one person, why ruin it by showing the goods way before you even meet them?

What if you send them the pics of your goods and they reject you and you see them on the street, knowing full well they've seen naked pics of you?

I had one guy tell me I'd never get someone to meet me for coffee if I didn't send a naked pic first, that's how it worked now a days. Really? A manipulative statement like this means he's only thinking of himself and selfish men are probably going to be selfish in the bedroom, leaving a woman wanting. No thanks, I like to be completely satisfied.

Seriously? Girls get a grip, take control of the situation and play with the man's biggest sex organ, his brain. Flirt, tease, build the anticipation, don't just lay all your cards out on the table before you've even said hello. Keep them wanting. That's just my thought on the subject.

Wednesday, 8 January 2014

Up Front Hook Up Negotiations ...

Someone sent me this image and I thought it was a perfect example of how hard it is for some men to ask a woman on a date online. Except in this exchange, he's a lot more polite and a lot less X rated. At least he brought flowers and candy!

Some guys, not all, but some, are using online dating sites and instant messages to ask sex questions to negotiate up front about what is acceptable and what isn't to a woman in the bedroom, then deciding if they want to hook up. I guess there is something to be said for being upfront about what you want and making sure the body you want to do it with is on board. After all, clear communication is best to avoid rape charges.

Personally, I was blind sided by the whole experience. I'm not a prude, I just expect at least coffee and some time to get to know someone. I guess there are women out there who can keep the emotional out of the bedroom. I guess I'll find out if I can as this adventure of mine progresses.

Anyone know where this image originated? Please let me know so I can link back to it.

In my books It Begins and Regrets I converse with men who ask me to mate, just not nearly as polite and they don't come bearing gifts.

Tuesday, 7 January 2014

Online Dating and Sexting ... Seriously?

No wonder some of these guys are constantly looking for their next hook up and it's no surprise that they are single. These men have no idea how to talk to a woman and certainly don't have any respect for them. So why do women keep encouraging them? Why do women keep jumping in and out of their beds?

Since, I am writing an ebook series on the joys of online dating, I engage these idiots far more than I should to find out how they think, how they talk, what they promise. Maybe I'm wrong but if they are as skilled at pleasing a woman as they claim to be, they wouldn't need to go to an online dating site to find a willing partner, women would be lined up around the block for the chance to sleep with them again. 

Men are crude and visual. To them its only about the act, so their side of the conversation is very blunt and they seem to assume that women are turned on by their rude statements. I don't know about other woman, but I find wit, innuendo, and confidence so much sexier than trying to have sex over the internet. Crude statements about sexual positions and acts do not turn me on, being constantly asked if I'm wet is not going to get me to jump into some strangers bed. Just because they are good looking, doesn't mean they know what they are doing under the sheets.

Their mothers sure dropped the ball when teaching them how to treat, respect, and talk to women. I fear that it's too late for most of them to learn. 

As a writer I am able to use my skill to mess around a bit with their fantasy, but I got to tell you, I feel like I should be writing out a bill at the end of the conversation. Whatever happened to they mystery of dating? Whatever happened to exploring each? I swear some of these idiots have a checklist that they are going through and we haven't even met for coffee yet. 

Am I a total prude for thinking that questions about what I like where should be asked after a couple of actual real world dates? 

Lots of these guys have never been married and they are in their late forties. In ten to twenty years they are going to be old perverts trying to find some woman to pay attention to them and unless they have a lot of cash to throw around, they are going to be lonely old perverts.  I'm beginning to believe this demographic will be growing at an alarming rate over the next few years. 

The first two books of my series The Game of 51: Confessions of an online dater are filled with conversations from these types of perverts. Learn what they say, how they try to manipulate me into their beds with the promises they make... Have you had the same conversations? Trust me you are better than that. You deserve better than that. 

Sexting can be fun... With the right person who cares about you as a person and wants to protect you from the horrors of the real world. Otherwise, you'll just end up getting hurt or worse, exposed to the world. 

Got some sexting stories? Share them here or if Morgan can borrow your story to experience in her books, email me at thegameof51 at  All sources of stories and people will be kept confidential and details will be changed dramatically to protect the actual person's identity. 

Monday, 6 January 2014

Waiting for a man...

Is there anything worse than waiting for a guy to contact you? Trying to stay occupied so you're not checking your messages, texts, emails. Marc has not responded to my last email in almost a week, has not conversed with me in over two and the last time our conversation was cut off by a power outage, or so he claims. I have noticed he is spending time on the dating site where I met him. So I know he is on his computer and purposefully ignoring me.

Move on you say? Dump the jerk? I wish I could. The one time I tried to run from him, he still plagued my mind and stirred my body without even a word or the possibility of one. Book 2, Regret is mainly about my struggle to stay away from him, to remove him from my life and my mind. I failed miserably.

What's worse is that I know he is manipulating me, using techniques designed to make me want him more because it is only human nature to want that which you cannot have. I watch myself make stupid decisions just to feel the desire this man enflames in me. I watch knowing he is moulding me, manipulating my every emotion, thought, and passion. Yet, I cannot help but want him. I can see the manipulation, I know what words are calculated, which are faked, but somehow I don't care, I just want. It's pathetic, I know.

Stupid you say? I have to agree. I cannot for the life of me figure out why I am allowing myself to chase this man. I cannot for the life of me figure out why I want this man. I am smarter than this, but I want and that want is so much more powerful than my mind.

Loneliness makes me do things I'd never do, want things I know I shouldn't want. Just for those moments when he pays attention to me and fills the hole of loneliness inside me. I want to experience this, know where our story is going to end up, find out how he will manipulate me next. Will this man ever care about me? Is he even capable of caring about someone else other than himself?

Sunday, 5 January 2014

Online Dating Scammer

Scam artists and fraudsters are getting more and more elaborate with their scams.  I found the online dating world to be no different. Shocking huh!

I received messages and emails from three different scammers and have used the conversations in book two and book three of The Game of 51: Confessions of an Online Dater series.

The first thing that struck me was how similar all three were. They all had some huge tragedy in their lives, parents died, wife died, kid died, that kind of thing. Two were claiming to be US soldiers posted in foreign parts of the world, one in Syria and one in Kenya. The third was a business man who was currently in Nigeria.

Nigeria is synonymous with online scams, specifically the Inheritance scam, otherwise known as 419. Sure enough it didn't take long before he sent me a request to help him with a huge inheritance that needed to be deposited in a foreign account for one reason or another. I didn't read to far into the details, I just replied with a good solid, GO TO HELL, response.

One was really elaborate. First I got the message and request to email me more about him and some pics. I got some great candid shots of a handsome middle aged white male and a nice email about how he was looking for someone special to share his life with.

We video skyped and IMed for about a week, but during that time things were not adding up.

First, when we video skyped there was no audio only IMing. I guess that is to keep me from finding out about a certain accent he would have. Not a red flag, but one thing to keep in mind.

Secondly, he tells me he's a US soldier deployed for peace keeping missions in Syria. Plausible right, but he couldn't answer a direct question about what it was like in Syria. I'm asking about the weather, what the people are going through, buildings etc. At one point I asked him what was going on there and he took forever to get back to me and when he did, it was with a news headline answer. "Syrian airstrike kills 21 in Aleppo." Then proceeded to tell me that's where they will be patrolling. Red Flag here.

Third, at one point he tells me what is important in life is sharing it with a comrade. I don't know any American, let alone a soldier would call someone a comrade. Red Flag.

Fourth, his wife and son died in a car accident on the way home from church. As with all these scams there has been some horrific loss. He doesn't want to talk about it though, that's fine, moved on with life etc. Possible Red Flag.

Fifth, he had a daughter who was living at school in Canada for the last two years and he hasn't seen her because he's been on a peacekeeping mission in Syria. I looked into the cost of boarding schools in Canada and we're talking $50,000.00 CND for the year. I'm not exactly sure how much a US soldier makes, maybe he could afford that. Possible Red Flag.

Sixth, he sent me a photo of his daughter who is seventeen and needs a mother. Ah no she doesn't, she's been on her own for two years and she's seventeen the last thing she wants is a mother. That aside the photo was a stock photo. Red Flag.

Seventh, the emails he sent basically repeated the same thing over and over, how wonderfully romantic I am. How much he believes me to be his soul mate, and he's only talking to me. Some paragraphs were cut and pasted from previous emails and the way they were written didn't match the way he wrote in IMs. Red Flag.

Eighth, his IMs just basically said the same thing over and over. General, vague, and filled with promises for the future. He'd ask me questions as he could about my financial situation, my family, my friends, who I talked to, etc. Basically collecting data to see how much of a mark I was. Red Flag.

Ninth, his IMs were inconsistent. It was as if I was talking to two or three different people. Just from the wording, tone, and personality of the conversations. So either there were more than one, or the guy had some major personality splits. Red Flag.

Tenth, he slipped up. When I asked him what time it was there he said 10PM when I googled what time it was in Syria it was 8PM, it was 10PM in Russia. Then he told me how much he was looking forward to having a special woman to share his life with him and his son. His son was dead, his daughter was supposedly living at some boarding school in Eastern Canada. I'm not sure how many parents would mix their dead son up with their daughter. It might have been an innocent slip, but I was done learning as much as I could about how this scammer worked. Red Flag.

Whether it's online dating or dating in the real world, you have to be careful. You have to constantly ask questions, keep track and make sure you can sort out the lies from the truth. The great thing about online IMs is that you can go back reread and see where they are lying and call them out. Always ask questions, is it really as believable as it sounds? Do your own research on the topics they are talking about and ask lots of specific questions.

Do you have an online dating scam stories you'd like to share? Email them to me -- your identity and details will be confidential and the story rewritten so that you stay anonymous. thegameof51 at

Thursday, 2 January 2014

It Starts

Well after twenty years with the same man in my bed, I'm single again.

The first thing I did was check out the online dating world to see what was available out there. Was there anything decent or should I be making a beeline for the nearest pet store to buy a bunch of cats? 

My first step into the online world of dating was such a shock and so forward that I almost deleted everything and seriously considered the cat angle. But, I've got some good friends who told me that I should probably stick it out and maybe even write a book about my experiences. 

So, that's what I've done. The Game of 51: Confessions of an Online dater is a series of short novella ebooks, each approx a hundred pages long, about my adventures as I look for the next Mr. Right. 

The title, The Game of 51 was suggested to me by a friend who read the 50 Shades of Grey series, because the first man to contact me was a dominant who has awoken an intense desire inside me.

I did a bit of digging and decided the title was good for a couple of other reasons too; first, dating is a game and second the 50/51 label for people by the police means they are crazy so be extra careful and 50/51 is slang in the dating world for a girl that is pretty enough to bang, but a whole lot of crazy.

I started this adventure four weeks ago. Take a moment to get caught up by reading the two first ebooks of the series, It begins and Regrets. Both are available as free downloads at most online books stores.

I encourage you to come along with me as I navigate the dangerous waters of the online dating world. The main character, Morgan Pellitier, yes me, will be experiencing some interesting situations, some of them while based in reality will be fictionalized, as I don't plan on putting myself into dangerous situations, or be taken in by scam artists for real. However, you never know I might just surprise even myself with the choices I make. I've already made some that I never thought I would, curious, read the free novellas to find out how Marc has me considering a dangerous path.

If you have a dating horror story you wish to share or want me to use in my novellas, please email me at thegameof51 at

Get your free ebook download at Smashwords.

Follow me on twitter: @morganpellitier