Thursday, 13 February 2014

Got to Get OUT of the House - Social Assistance

The ex's latest temper tantrum has become more abusive so it's time to get out of the house. Problem is I can't afford to and he won't sell the house. A rock and a hard place to say the least. I have a few demands that have to be met before I leave because once I do I won't be able to get back in.

1. My name must be on title
2. I need first month rent & damage deposit 
3. I have to be approved for rent subsidy 

After I get out of the house then I can start fighting for what I am entitled to. I want 1/2 and he wants more than 1/2. On one side I have my parents and friends telling me not to let him push me around anymore and make sure I walk away with everything I'm entitled to. On the other side I have him yelling at me because his idea of fair and my idea of fair are two different things. 

I'm telling you. If you are married.... Don't get divorced. 

I've applied to social services, I've contacted charities, I've filled out forms, I've seen a lawyer. Paperwork takes time to collect and fill out. Then it takes time to process and for the most part I usually don't qualify or there is no help unless I want to go into a shelter or temporary housing.... OK well no I don't. I just need enough for the damage deposit and first month rent and to be approved for rental subsidy. 

Then once I'm out of the house I can apply for child support, but until then I don't even mention it because he has no intention of giving me a cent.


I put a lien on the house instead of getting on title.
I got the damage deposit and cheques for $400.00 a month (his mom's rent cheque)
I qualified for rent subsidy but they'll only give me $72.00 a month
I qualified for the food bank
I qualified for legal aid to address custody and protection acts

Ok so maybe I didn't get on title... the lawyer says the lien is basically the same thing and costs less plus he won't know unless he goes to sell or mortgage it causing him some distress in the future.

I didn't get the first months rent... that pisses me off but I did get five post dated cheques for the rent his mom is paying me to live there and now that I'm out I can go after him for child support. Plus once his mom moved in for the last week of the month, I didn't care about my conditions anymore I just wanted to get the hell out of Dodge... I never got a long with her before and now... 

Wednesday, 12 February 2014

Ex wants to Control the Divorce

Once again he's told me not to talk to a lawyer, but this time he's also let me know that he's meeting with a lawyer for both of us. I wasn't invited to participate or to have any say in what I want because all that matters to him is what he wants. What baffles my mind is that after living with me for twenty years he thinks I'm stupid.

I already have an appointment with a lawyer booked today, which I neglected to mention to him. I have already photocopied all his accounts and financial paperwork. I have already made appointments with two realtors to come in and assess the home. I have written up some things I want for the Separation Agreement but those things are worded to be in his favour or what I know he would agree too and asked him to give me a written list of what he wants for the Agreement. I've kept what I know will be issues to myself. 

It blows my mind that he thinks I'm dumb enough to trust him to have my best interest at heart. Especially since he allowed the credit card company to ruin my credit over a four thousand dollar debt I couldn't make payments on because I was unemployed for a year. I was unemployed because when he moved us to the city, I lost my job and couldn't find another one, which is one of the reasons he's divorcing me. 

To get me out of the house he'll have to sign an Agreement that protects my rights to the house, which he'll be staying in and ensures it will be sold within a certain period of time. The Agreement will not address the issues of the children or support. I need to be out of the house before I can fight tooth and nail for what I'm entitled to. I don't care too much about dividing up the assets. I do care about where the children will be living and having enough cash to support them and their lives. 

I don't trust him. He thinks I do and that I won't go find out my rights etc. Sorry sweety but mama didn't raise no dummy. I've been placid, cooperative, and nice long enough. 

Tuesday, 11 February 2014

Ex Wants to Kick Me OUT of the House

We've been separated a year, but we still live together as roommates. We live in a very expensive city and I can't afford rent because I don't make enough money.  He won't sell the house until the renos are done so I can't get the equity out of the house to help set me up.

He was supposed to have finished the renos last summer when I went to live with my parents... He bought a boat to work on instead.

Then he was supposed to go work up North for 20 days a month and come back for 10. Sounded like a perfect solution. The kids wouldn't move and we'd switch out of the house. I had a room lined up to rent and everything. Then he turned the job down and stayed. Renos still not done.

All of January I tried to figure out a solution. I looked for a second job, checked out rents, started dating to get out of the house. I spent my evenings in a coffee shop and my days at home.

Then he went to Mexico for a week. I should mention we've never been to an all inclusive 'hot' spot vacation in twenty years. I still haven't been. Not that I care, I just find it a bit ironic that he wouldn't go when he'd have to pay for two of us and then the minute it's just him, he goes. Any who... He came home and started yelling.

I mean yelling. He threw all the items in the recycling bin around the room because my son hadn't taken it out before he got home. He was pissed that I hadn't cleaned the bathroom. OK I'll give him that one, but if he'd seen it the day before he really would have had something to bitch about. Our son had made one huge mess of the room and I'd tidied it up. Just hadn't got to cleaning it. He was pissed because he couldn't see what to make himself for lunch. The pantry is stuffed, I'm the one who pays for groceries so there's food. You just have to actually make something. It's not an all inclusive buffet.

He wants me out. He wants me to find a place to rent by myself and leave the kids with him. He wants me out like yesterday and I'm not to contact a lawyer. Seriously? Well guess what, not only am I not leaving before I can afford to, I'm taking the kids and I will be talking to the free lawyer service. Not an ideal choice, but the only choice I can afford.

My other option is to leave the kids here and go home to live at my parents place. If he believes I really do nothing all day, maybe the three of them need to find out exactly what I do everyday and what I pay for.

I don't blame my kids at all. I spoil them, clean up after them, allow them all sorts of messes without consequences. I can't keep up when I have a full time job, even one from home, have a social life, food, dinners, errands, running kids around, laundry, tidying the house, dishes, and trying to jump start a new career as a writer of all things. I really should choose something that pays.

I've done it to myself, really. I do spend way too much time on the computer. I could have cleaned the bathroom instead of just tiding it and I could have done a few more things around the house before he came home. Did I mention I picked him up from the airport at midnight the night before his most recent blow up? But I don't do anything to make his life easier, so I have to get out of the house....

Hmmmm, I think this situation will run in book 4 or book 5 of The Game of 51 Series.

Saturday, 8 February 2014

Book 3 Released - The Game of 51: Confessions of an Online Dater.

 Book 3 of The Game of 51 Series has been released. 

Morgan has made her decision and jumped into the abyss with no guarantees. She desires Marc, but his attention comes with a price. Can she be what he wants? The fantasy of submission drives her lust, but when faced with the reality of being a sex slave it's all too real. Morgan must come to terms with her mind, her fears, and her body's desires because Marc is demanding she give all or nothing

Morgan Pellitier is a forty year old woman recently separated from her husband. She has gone online to find love only to find a man who wants to dominate her and she is helpless to stop him. Follow the series The Game of 51: Confessions of an Online Dater as Morgan IMs with men, manages her life, and lusts after a man she knows she shouldn't. In Book 3: Forgiveness she has agreed to become Marc's sex slave but she had no idea what she was in for. 

Click to download your free ebook, pdf, or various other files. 

Sample: (It was hard to find a clean enough sample...)

I’m constantly looking for messages from Marc and it’s annoying. He hasn’t contacted me in three days. I know three whole days, big whoop, that’s normal. I know it is, but I need his attention. It’s the attention, the conversation, the power of words. I enjoy the banter, the flirting, the slow revelations of one’s self. It’s the mystery of the messages, who is he? What is he? and Is this the one who can fulfill me? 
I’m online yet again. I seem to be addicted to talking to strange men. These other guys are just a distraction from my loneliness when Marc is not talking to me. I’ve seen him online on the dating site talking to other women, trying to meet someone new. That doesn’t bother me, what bother’s me is that he’s ignoring me. He isn’t sending me a quick email to say that he’s thinking about me. He isn’t making our arrangement a priority and I’m not sure what to do. 
I’m supposed to be his slave now. I’m still not sure what that means and I have so many questions. The good thing about the internet is that it’s a whole host of information and people willing to talk to me, answer my questions, help me. If Marc won’t answer my questions than maybe someone else will, like this guy I’m IMing with now. He’s a sub looking for a Domme and unlike the last poor boy sub I talked to, this one seems more stable, grounded, and surer of himself.
‘I have yes, since my twenties.’
‘Ever have a long term relationship or has it all been fun play?’
‘I’ve had long term relationships.’
‘I have a hard time wrapping my head around the idea that a Dom would care about their sub as a person, or care about what they want, or who they are. Any insight you can give me?’
‘I can understand that. I want to find a Domme to please and do as they say.’
‘But that is you caring about what makes the Dom happy. Does the Dom care about what makes a sub happy?’
‘Hmmm. I assume so. But perhaps not overtly.’
‘Don’t you want someone to care about you?’
‘I want to please.’
‘What about you? Don’t you want someone to care about your day, your thoughts, your feelings? If you please a Dom what do you get?’
‘I get to serve.’
‘That’s it? And that’s enough for you?’
‘Don’t you ever get mad?’
‘See this is what I can’t wrap my head around. A relationship where only one person’s wants matter isn’t very fair.’
‘I do like to please. If I do as I am told then both participate.’
‘I am curious... Obviously... Trying to wrap my head around your world.’
‘I do understand, but if you’re not interested.’
‘I’m not a Domme. I’m just very curious about why someone becomes a sub and if they matter as a person to the Dom.’
‘I am a person.’
‘Exactly. You are. You matter.’
‘Yes. Thank you.’
‘So why not be with someone who knows you matter?’
‘A true Dom cares for a Sub.’
‘Maybe I should explain myself a bit better. I ran into a Dom online. Before I knew it I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I like rough sex etc. But I can’t see myself submitting to someone... I have to matter.’
‘So you are a sub too?’
‘I wouldn’t go that far. Just thinking about it... Maybe... I’m very confused.’
‘Seems so.’
‘That’s why I wanted to ask you so many questions. I can’t get my head around the power dynamic. I don’t know how I can trust someone enough to put myself into their power.’
‘I understand. I want to please. I find happiness in pleasing my Domme. She finds happiness in being pleased. Simple.’
‘Not simple. What about your feelings?’
‘As long as I can serve I am fulfilled.’
‘What about what you want? Need?’
‘A true Dom will make sure I get everything I need. I only want to please.’
‘How do you know you will get what you need if you’re not allowed to voice what you want?’

Ex Can't Afford Kid's Activities But Can Afford Mexico

My ex-husband stopped paying for my kids activities because he can't afford it, but he left for Mexico for a week. We all live together still because I can't afford rent and he won't move out, so I don't say anything because I don't want to fight in front of the kids.

My son is a member of a teenage rock band, it's the only activity he has, and they go once a week for 3 hours to a studio where they get help learning to perform, learn how to compose music, and get to use instruments and studio equipment. The cost is all of $100 a month.

My daughter goes to a recreational dance class and she loves it because she gets to go with her friends. She is a natural talent and loves music. The cost is $100 every three months.

Not much money, but more than I could afford after paying for groceries, old debt, car insurance, gas, and Christmas. I don't have cheques or a credit card because I don't make enough and was bouncing cheques, so I do everything in cash to make sure I can afford it. I asked my ex to give cheques to the studio owner for my son, which he did because I was supposed to pay him to cover the cheques. I did up until Christmas when I spent too much money on gifts for the kids and food for the holidays. So for 2 months he didn't get paid.

His response was to stop paying for the studio. OK I get that I was supposed to pay him, but he makes more than twice what I do.

In the last 3 months my ex-husband has bought an infrared sauna, drums, entertainment equipment and more. Then last week he decided he wanted to go to Mexico for a week. He was mad at me because I couldn't afford to go with him and I wouldn't find him a deal online.

I am grateful that I have a roof over my head still and that he pays for the utility bills because I don't make enough. I'm always strapped and the kids always have one more thing they need me to buy or pay for. Although my ex-husband is the one who asked for the divorce, he hasn't been in a hurry to get the house renovations completed so we can sell it and move on.

I've got to get out of here though. It's time. For the first time in my life I've filled out social services forms to apply for rent subsidizing. I hate the idea of receiving charity or hand outs. I feel like a failure because I can't support myself.

I've been looking for another job but my employer has asked be to wait because another position is being created and they want me to consider it. I am hoping it comes with a bigger paycheque.

I'm not sure how I can forgive my ex for being so selfish. His rationality was that he doesn't think that he was getting value for the $100 he was paying to the studio. He'd paid $200.00 and he didn't think it was necessary for them to go play there when they could play at the other kid's homes for free. He didn't want them playing at our place. My son neglected to explain the value good enough, so he pulled his support for it. My son is amazing. He went and asked for the cheques back and then arranged to do yard work in exchange for the lessons.

It's time I get out of here. It's been over a year but I don't know how I'm going to do it. It should be interesting to see if I will be able to even receive social service help.

Monday, 3 February 2014

Creating a Better Online Dating Profile for my Ex

Online dating profiles are marketing pieces and should show you at your best. My ex-husband's online profile was not showing him at his best so I stepped in and helped him out. Until things with our divorce get ugly I am being as nice as possible to ensure stability for the kids. You may think I'm weird or maybe just a doormat, but my motives are anything from pure.

I want him to find someone else as soon as possible. Someone who will make him happy, someone who he can spend time with outside of the house, someone who will take his attention away from me and the kids. 

OK. Now that I've justified myself, I'll explain how I reworked his profile to make it more marketable. 

First pictures. He'd uploaded a bunch of selfies, non of which showed him as approachable, friendly or even nice. They were terrible. He needed pics of him in various situations, all of them with a smile to make him look more approachable and friendly. Plus, one very friendly profile pic showing his face with a smile on it. A good full body shot and the rest of him doing things that he enjoys. 

My girlfriend who found a boyfriend online used a pic that showed her crazy, comedic personality by having a funny crazy look on her face. The pic showed her personality and how pretty she is. Personality is a big part of who someone is so the pics and profile should mirror that. 

The write up. I took out the negative wording in my ex's profile, those things that would limit his response and narrowed his field way too much. KISS - Keep it simple stupid. The first two - three sentences are the most vital. Say who you are and why someone should consider you right away.  For example:

A hardworking, responsible guy with a great outlook on life seeking a long term partner to go boating with. 

A financially secure, responsible, guy with a great sense of humour looking for a woman who loves to laugh and fish to share my life with. 

A smart, confident woman who isn't easily offended and can laugh at herself.  I value honesty and intelligence above all else and am looking to get out of the house, meet people, and try new things.

It's called a hook. It says who you are, what you're looking for and why someone should consider reading your profile. It should be the first sentence in your profile. To create the hook sentence you have to ask questions.

What are my best qualities?
What do men I want look for in a woman? or visa versa
Do I want a long term relationship?
Why would someone want to be with me?
What do I have to offer someone?

With these answers write a sentence or two to highlight those things that matter most and then write about the other stuff. Make sure to put personality into your words, story, phrases. 

Good pics and good copy will help attract more response to your profile. 

Sunday, 2 February 2014

My Girlfriend Found a Guy Online

There are decent guys to be found online dating. I went to lunch with the girls and my one friend who has been a single mom of two kids forever told us she has a boyfriend. A really 'nice' guy who she met online. Looking at his profile online she felt he was just a 'nice' guy who'd end up being a good friend, turns out he was better than that.

They had a great time on their first date and as time went on she found herself more and more attracted to him. When he finally kissed her, sparks!!!

They've been together for a month now and she's radiantly happy. I am thrilled for her, even though it means she'll be too busy with him to spend much time with the girls. I hope he turns out to be the Prince her life needs and she deserves.

After talking to all the creeps, perverts, and weirdos I seem to attract, it's nice to know that there is a light somewhere down the line and romance can be found online.