It's been almost a month since I've posted anything and so much has happened.... I've been so busy but I'll post more about that later.
I am taking a break from online dating. Considering this is supposed to be an exercise in online dating, why am I taking an extended break? Because, I'm finding that the way men talk to me online is eroding my self esteem, which was low to begin with.
Guys who talk smut online with women are looking to get a need filled, what they don't realize is what it does to a woman. Well, if they do know they don't care. I am of the belief that men just don't care about how their need to get their rocks off ruins woman's self esteem. Most men are too selfish to care if their words or actions hurt a woman... As long as they are getting what they want then hey, what's the harm?
The harm.... As I am discovering, talking smut to a women causes them to feel that's all they are good for. That who they are doesn't matter and they are not deserving of love. Those woman who are smart enough to shut these jerks down keep their self esteem intact and find real love because they find that odd 'Good' guy who will respect them, cherish them, protect them, and love them.
Those women who engage these horny jerks only confirm to themselves that they aren't worthy of love or respect. In the last seven months I have talked online with hundreds of men and allowed them to talk to me in whatever matter they deemed appropriate.... most went directly to sex... Especially the dominant men.
Dominant men seem to gravitate to my profile. Their sexual questions and comments have done nothing but destroy me. They have only confirmed what I already believed... They only care about themselves and don't care about the woman they want to dominate. How she feels or how she feels about herself doesn't matter at all. They spill out lie after lie and empty promises to get what they want and then humiliate, ignore, or grind the woman down.
I believe the books 50 shades of grey and those written on that topic are dangerous for woman who have been abused by men in the past. Women who don't love themselves enough to demand a man treat them right. Or women who are lonely and just want someone to love them.
Seven months in the meat market of Online Dating with the large portion of Dominant men finding their way into my message box is long enough for now.... I am miserable. I am beginning to hate myself and see myself as unworthy of love, respect, or care..... The reason... Men only want to pound me and few care anything about me, my life, my situation, or my struggles....
I have survived enough abuse in my life... Recently, I have put more space between me and my abusers, however, I'm finding that men online are only more than willing to replace them.
Maybe men don't understand how talking smut and looking at women like pieces of meat to pound results in their self hatred... hurt... and depression.... Or maybe they do know and they just don't care.