The problem with dating after a 20 year hiatus is the firsts. The first time we do anything can be scary and exciting all wrapped into one. At the moment I think I'm gonna puke.
I've made a date with someone I met on an online dating site. It's not the first time I've sat down for coffee with a guy in 20 years, but it is the first time I've sat down with a guy who may want more from me than what advertising product I'm selling him. A guy who I know wants more than advertising from me.
This guy is built, good looking, black, young, well travelled, British, and has girls literally throwing themselves at him. At least according to him and I can believe it considering how hot he is. Our conversations start off really good, polite, sweet, kind, respectful, and friendly. However last night they went sideways and for some reason he really wants to be with me in the carnal sense.
This fact is freaking me out. He spent days talking to me before broaching the subject, which is nice, really nice, but then last night the pressure started. I get that he was horny and really wanted to get laid at the time he was talking to me however, it has added pressure to our date. Pressure I'm not feeling too comfortable with. Now I'm scared to show up.
I'm gonna have to talk to him tonight and be very clear that it's just a face to face date to get to know each other, not a hook up date. He's told me he wants a friend to be with, someone he can connect with and see repeatedly. Someone to care about and someone who will care about him. Nice words, however anyone can type anything to manipulate someone into doing something.
Just not sure why he'd want to spend any time manipulating me. I'm pretty, but I'm older than him, I am overweight, and not open to having sex for the sake of the act. I am scared. Marc was a safe guy for me to explore my sexuality with, he lives four thousand kilometers away from me and had no desire to meet me until I was ready. This guy isn't safe and now I'm gonna be face to face with him. I'm terrified about what I will do.
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